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“That includes listening, but also talking to people in line at the supermarket or while waiting for a latte.” Rabin suggests instituting the QCC policy when you see a perfect flirting opportunity.
This means either asking an open-ended question like “Have you seen this movie?
Though many of them had positive observations, a lot of what they had to say dealt with their male companions being self-centered, boring, arrogant, duplicitous, needy and/or unwilling to commit (sometimes, impossible as it sounds, at the same time). Just know that you look great to many of us older guys with it or without it. You Probably Want to "Have It All" and Are Not Willing to "Settle". (I did.) After decades of living, we all have a lot to convey, but it makes for a better date if listening is a mutual activity. You don't want to waste your time, I understand that. Money is probably not a great date topic even if it's really, really important to you! But it also isn't 1870, and if there is mutual attraction, at this stage of our lives, waiting a long time -- whatever that may be -- seems equally foolish.
But if you've already made the determination that he's worth a date, see where it goes for a bit before passing judgment. I got this text before a date (which I then declined to go on): "If you don't have a substantial retirement in place or big income, we will not be a match." Other dates have said they are only interested in rich men. And one actually put forth the idea I should write her monthly checks. Just as men shouldn't talk about or expect sex too soon, women should appreciate that most of us -- male and female -- aren't on these dating sites solely for someone to hike with or take to the opera (some are, but not most.) When sex comes up, a frequent comment from women, is, "This isn't 1970. Yes, there are often wide differences between men and women in the emotional attachment created by sex.
And paying attention to their preference for one style of relating can be a flirting goldmine (and something the younger set probably doesn’t have patience for).
For example, if someone frequently says, “I see…,” he or she is likely to be driven by the visual sense.
A man in his fifties, for instance, can put his arm around a woman, pull out her chair, or pay the bill.
And a woman this age can accept these gestures or initiate one of her own by taking a man’s arm while she’s walking.
If she leans in a certain way, you lean in.” Before you know it, you’ll be engaged in a subconscious courtship dance without either party even being aware of the steps. “You just simply have to have better flirting skills over 50,” says Rabin.
But it’s important for midlife daters to realize that many of the tools they employed at age 20 (i.e., a hair flip with a giggle) may not be as successful at this point in their life.
So what are the rules for successful mature flirting?
Since you grew up during a more traditional age, these efforts will appear to be nothing but charmingly old-school. Seriously, if you’re over 50 and you try to entice someone with pick-up prose, the result will likely be crash-and-burn.
“Using ‘Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind’ rarely works for this age group,” says Rabin, who suggests a carrying a prop (a book, for example) or making a comment on something he/she is wearing as an opener instead.“Try a simple ‘I couldn’t help but notice you and thought I’d say hello’ to get the conversation rolling and if things go well, ask them out for coffee.” In honing the art of flirting, there is something to be said for a well-timed glance and grin, which is so effective it actually works at any age. “You can do that if someone’s nearby or if they’re across the room, but when you give those signals, if there’s reciprocal interest, he/she will usually get the hint and move closer,” says Rabin.